第一章　極品醉愛

1 Marry Penguin 娶企鵝  2
2 Reason 原因  2
3 I Don’t Know Her 我還不認識她呢  3
4 My Husband 我丈夫  3
5 The Poor Husband 可憐的丈夫  4
6 You’ve Already Heard It 你已經聽過了  4
7 Send for the Fire Brigade 叫消防隊  5
8 Who Is This Speaking 你是誰  5
9 Want Her to Go Nuts 我要讓她發瘋  6
10 Domestic Thief 家賊  7
11 It Was Too Late 為時已晚  8
12 Questions and Answer 巧問妙答  9
13 You Look Like An Old Gentleman 你看起來像個老紳士  9
14 Notes 便條  10
15 Who’s in Heaven 誰在天堂  11
16 Flatterer 馬屁精  13
17 Knocked the Door 叫門  14
18 Jimmy and Linda 吉米和琳達  15
19 Give up Smoking 戒煙  16
20 It’s Rather Unusual 不尋常  17
21 It’s Unnecessary to See God with a Present 見上帝沒必要帶禮物  19
22 Women 女人  20
23 The perfect husband 完美丈夫  23
24 I Am Not Able to Take Care of Three Wives 三個老婆  26
25 Husbands Said 丈夫如是說  29
26 What If... 要是……  32

第二章　奇葩囧語

1 Send the Bill to My Father 把賬單給我父親  36
2 How about That 怎么回事  36
3 I’ve Got the Wrong Room 走錯了房間  37
4 You’re Facing the Wrong Way 你看錯方向了  37
5 How Do I Breathe 我怎么呼吸  38
6 Protest 抗議  38
7 Beat Your Son 打你兒子  39
8 I Thought You Were Landing 我以為你在降落  39
9 Where Am I 我在哪兒  40
10 Go Home for My Pyjamas 拿睡衣  40
11 Keep Feeding 繼續喂  41
12 Lawyer and Engineer 律師與工程師  41
13 I’m a Grandfather 我當爺爺了  42
14 A Burglar Can’t Find Me Either 賊也找不到我  43
15 Use a Pencil 用鉛筆  43
16 They Are Directly from America 從美國直接帶來的  44
17 Why Is She Screaming 她為何尖叫  45
18 How Much do You Figure I Owe You 付多少錢  46
19 I’ll Go There Myself in A Few Minutes 等會兒我自己過去  47
20 Bad News 壞消息  48
21 Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理  49
22 That Was before I Tried It 試前價  49
23 Goldberg 戈德堡  50
24 An Unusual Way 不同尋常的方式  51
25 Grass Eater 吃草的人  52
26 How Did You Know He Was a Bandit 你怎么知道他是個強盜  53
27 Isn’t It Quite Clear 顯而易見  54
28 Americans and Japanese 美國人和日本人  55
29 I Can Turn Him off Whenever I Please 我可以隨意把他給關掉  55
30 Don’t Let Him in 別讓他進來  56
31 Who Is Shakespeare 莎士比亞是誰  57
32 The Young Archer 年輕射手  59

第三章　浪漫滿懷

1 A History Teacher 一位歷史老師  62
2 Where Are the Alps 阿爾卑斯山在哪里  62
3 Nearsightedness 近視  63
4 What Is a Traitor 什么叫叛徒  63
5 I Am Afraid of That Too 我也擔心這個  64
6 Piano 鋼琴  64
7 Meeting My Wife 等我太太  65
8 Traffic Jam 堵車事件  66
9 I Beg Your Pardon 請原諒  66
10 Want to Switch Seats 換位子  67
11 Which Is Which 雌雄難辨  68
12 Gift 禮物  69
13 Middle‐aged Woman 中年婦女  69
14 Swimming Pool 游泳池  70
15 Old Habit 老習慣  71
16 Get the Cat Out First 先把貓弄出來  72
17 So Am I 我也想這樣  73
18 Pick Out Your Husband 領回你丈夫  74
19 Early Precaution 未雨綢繆  75
20 Strip Off and Streak 裸奔  76
21 Canadian Winter 加拿大的冬天  77
22 Dropped a Piece of Candy 掉了一塊糖  78
23 The Secret 秘訣  79
24 False Advertising 誤導廣告  81
25 Expectant Fathers 準爸爸們  82
26 Not Here 不在這里  84
27 Man in the Closet 櫥子里的男人  86

第四章　颶瘋校園

1 The Plural 復數形式  90
2 The Difference 區別  90
3 The Correct Answer 正確答案  91
4 The Lighting 閃電  91
5 Does the Question Beat You 問題難住你了嗎  91
6 Make Mistakes Repeatdly 屢次犯錯  92
7 An Essential Correction 實質性的糾正  92
8 Great Event 大事件  93
9 A Physics Exam 物理考試  94
10 The Motto 座右銘  94
11 The Longest And The Shortest 最長和最短  95
12 The Earth’s Shape 地球的形狀  95
13 Can’t Go 不能去  96
14 Make‐up 化妝  96
15 What’s the Biggest in the World 世界上什么最大  97
16 A Physics Exam 物理考試  97
17 The Answer 答案  98
18 You Are Stupid 你太愚蠢了  99
19 Nest and Hair 鳥窩與頭發  99
20 Your Coat Is on Fire 您的大衣著火了  100
21 Alexander the Great 亞歷山大大帝  101
22 Rough Draft and Final Draft 草稿和終稿  101
23 Go to Church and Go Fishing 做禮拜和釣魚  102
24 How Much for a Season Pass 辦一個季度通行證要多少錢  103
25 An Imaginary Line 假想線  104
26 Brother in South America 南美洲的哥哥  105
27 Evils of Liquor 酒的危害  106
28 I Am the Goalie 我是守門員!  107
29 Cut Again 再切一次  108

第五章　百結家事

1 Millionaire 百萬富翁  112
2 I’m Not Inquistive 我不愛刨根問底  112
3 That’s the One I Didn’t Touch 那塊就是我沒碰過的  113
4 Just Sew the Buttonhole 只縫上了扣眼兒  113
5 Gives In 讓步  113
6 I Didn’t Notice It 我沒看到它  114
7 Apples and Oranges 蘋果和桔子  114
8 Rest Your Eyes 讓眼睛休息一下  115
9 Lost Weight 減肥  115
10 You Are Afraid of Mamma 就怕媽媽  116
11 Boy 男孩  117
12 The Same Service 同樣的服務  118
13 The Will 遺囑  118
14 Try the Hat 試帽子  119
15 New Suit 新套裝  120
16 Why Are Some Hairs White 為什么有白頭發  121
17 A Naked Man 裸男  122
18 The Consciousness of Safety 安全意識  123
19 Keeping Up with Joneses 與人攀比  124
20 The Missing Husband 失蹤的丈夫  126
21 Spaghetti 意大利面  127
22 The Logic of the Scholar 學者的邏輯  128
23 Have His Cap Back 讓帽子回來  130
24 A Theology Scholar 神學學者  131
25 Nothing to Help 幫倒忙  132
26 The Bad Day 糟糕的一天  134
27 Twins 雙胞胎  135
28 Letter from Mother 媽媽的來信  137
29 I’ve Got the Airbag! 我有氣袋  139
30 Still a Bum 仍是個混混  140

第六章　種瓜得豆

1 What Does Mr Jack Want to Borrow 杰克先生想借什么  144
2 I Could Do It Slower 我可以干得慢一些  144
3 What Room I’m in 我在哪個房間  145
4 A Big Surprise 大吃一驚  145
5 Pictures for Children 兒童畫  146
6 Two Drunks 兩個酒鬼  146
7 The Strongest Man 最強壯的人  147
8 Take Me to London 帶我去倫敦  147
9 Running Out of Time 時間不多了  148
10 The Mean Man’s Party 吝嗇鬼請客  148
11 Coup 妙招  149
12 Pushed the Wrong Button 按錯了按鈕  150
13 Apple Tree 蘋果樹  150
14 Three Men in a Boat 三人同舟  151
15 Placing Stamps on a Letter 給信封貼郵票  152
16 Self‐assertion 自作多情  153
17 Wrong Place 放錯地方了  154
18 Three Months to Live 最后三個月的時光  155
19 Diet at Lunchtime 午餐節食  156
20 Chair 椅子  158
21 Bureaucrat 當官的  159
22 Compulsion 強迫癥  160
23 I Want the Bastard That Pushed Me in 誰在搗鬼  163
24 A Bronze Lawyer 銅律師  165

第七章　棋逢歪手

1 A Dead Fly 一只死蒼蠅  170
2 Bring Me the Winner 給我打贏的那只吧  170
3 I’m the Biggest Liar 我是最會說謊的  170
4 If My Mouth Still Holds Water 我的嘴是否還能盛水  171
5 Advice for“Kid” 忠告“年輕者”  172
6 A Man of Few Words 少言寡語的人  172
7 Wait a Minute 等一分鐘  173
8 Life after Death 死而復活  173
9 Digging A Tunnel 挖地道  174
10 Business Is Terrible 生意很糟  175
11 Self‐deprecating 自嘲  175
12 Haven’t Done 沒有做過  176
13 I Wasn’t Asleep 我沒有睡著  177
14 Sell Paintings 賣畫  177
15 That’s My Son 那是我的兒子  178
16 After They Died 當他們死后  179
17 Copy the Notes 抄筆記  180
18 At the Bottom of the Sea 在海底  181
19 Seeing Is Believing 眼見為實  182
20 High 高度  183
21 A Good Solution 解決問題的好辦法  184
22 A Monk 出家  185
23 Watermelon 西瓜  186
24 Don’t You Like Any of Our Colors Today 沒有您喜歡的顏色嗎  187
25 Napoleon Was Ill 拿破侖病了  188
26 He’s Six Monthes Old Today 他今天六個月了  189
27 Doctors’Meeting 醫生的會議  191
28 Investigating a Terrible Accident 事故調查  192